


Secret name

by Aalvina



Series: In another world [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Actor Magnus Bane, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lawyer Alec Lightwood, M/M, Miscommunication, Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-11-29 01:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aalvina/pseuds/Aalvina
Summary: Everybody has a common name for day to day life and a soul name.Your soul name is secret known only by your family and written on your soulmate wrist.Except Alec's and Magnus soul names get revealed in different forms with different consequences on their life.





	1. Alec and the not so secret soul name

**Author's Note:**

> I'm literally typing this on my phone at 1am cause I can't sleep and this idea just popped in my head and I like it. 
> 
> Hope it makes sense and you like it too.

When a baby is born two people will ask its name: the nurse and a government worker. To the first you give its common name, the one the world will use. To the second you give its soul name. A secret name that must only be revealed to the closest family and to one's partner when you wish to marry them. 

The whole thing is very secret and many people have tried to steal government files but always failed. It was the most protected thing on earth. 

Centuries ago people raged wars because of soul names. Forbidden love, false soul marks and more had been common use. People thrown at each other because their marks matched their soul names and had to deal with falling in love with this stranger. 

It got really bad so laws and courtesy changed. The soulname was only revealed after the wedding when it became the new common name of both spouses. To reveal someone's soul name was forbidden and a crime. 

And it worked. Well... Usually. 

* * *

 

Alec Lightwood life was nice as he celebrated his 26th birthday. It had been a hell of a ride to get there. 

He had realized he was gay around 12 and struggled with this realization in a family and town very much biggoted. So he repressed his feelings has deep as he could.

However when he got his soulmate mark at 16 he had no choice but to deal with his homosexuality when the name Magnus Bane appeared. Everybody hid ones mark but it was still a wake up call for him. 

When his father joked one day that now he got his mark he might finally get interested in dating all the pretty girls in his school, Alec snapped and came out. 

It did not go well, not bad but his parents grew cold and kept suggesting he ignored his mark since it was clearly a mistake. 

To make matters worse his sister got drunk one day at a highschool party and called him to get her. When he arrived her very inebriated brain forgot about common rules and yelled 

"Alec!!" And run toward him. Up until that day his common name was Clark. Even though she had slurred his name. Very few things sounded like Alec. And people would deduce pretty quickly Alec was a nickname for Alexander, his soul name. So he had very little time to react to his sister soul outing him to the whole party that seemed to contain his entire high school. 

His brother Jace (common name James) came to the rescue. Barking a laugh. 

" Sorry brother whenever she drinks she goes back to calling you this stupid name. Clalert." 

Alec all but blinked at him and several people were quite puzzled by his explanation. So Jace went into storytime mode. 

"When we were kids. Clark here always was afraid we would injure ourselves. But I say when we were kids, he did not change much. Real stickler to rules. 

So Bea (Izzy common name) here used to tease him whenever he would warn us against doing something he called stupid by yelling Clalert. Like Clark alert. . " 

And Jace laughed like this was the funniest thing ever. But Alec was sober and there was no way people would believe that. 

Except alcool did wonder on teenagers brain and a girl started to giggle. 

"Calerk!! That's so like him!". 

And one by one everyone joined in the fun. 

 

The next morning Izzy was devastated by what she had said and their parents appalled at the idea that Alec soul name was revealed. More afraid that his male soulmate would find him quicker than anything else. 

Little by little people joked called him Clalert or Calert or Calerk. Because people could not remember exactly what Jace had said and Izzy and Jace made sure to stay unprecise. 

Evidently some ended up thinking Alec was easier to pronounce. And just like that people assumed Clark was his common name and Alec a childhood nickname. Nobody realising his soul name was Alexander. 

* * *

 

Though soul names were often the beginnings of a lot of love story it sometimes wasn't enough. So his parents joined the sad statistics of divorced soulmates after his father cheated. Maryse got her maiden name back and Alec took it too as a sign of support after Maryse mended bridges with him. 

So here he was, 26, lawyer in civil law and known as Clark/Alec Trueblood. With his soulmate being the mysterious Magnus Bane. 

As he got more confident in his sexuality Alec dated a bit but never seemed to find someone he felt at ease to try and build something. He sometimes felt he was quite happy on his own and did not see the appeal of getting in a relationship, maybe falling in love and often finding out you were not real soulmates. 

Some people tried to build a life without being ones soulmates. But each time one of the two would end up meeting their soulmates and leaving the other heartbroken. It only worked after divorce or ones soulmate's death. That's how his mother met Luke, both rebuilding a life and relationship outside of the soulmate system. 

So here he was blowing his 26 candles at his office when the universe seemed to decide for him and someone asked. 

"Have you seen the news about Belcourt's reveal?"

"I can't believe she did that!" Someone added "That's just criminal. Like we actually handle cases about that!" 

"About what?" Asked Alec. 

He knew very little about Camille Belcourt except that she was a very famous actress and had dated the very handsome Augustin Dawn. (Izzy might have shown him a movie of him and yes Augustin was a very attractive man.) 

"She revealed Augustin Dawn soul name to the press. Petty break up revenge apparently. They were engaged a year ago but she got caught in a affair with a Russian model. They broke up, at the time no one knew why but recently he was asked if he would work with her again and he was very cold and said he wouldn't work with someone he couldn't trust to be faithful." Explained Judith his paralegal.

"She got a lot of backlash and hate after that. So apparently she decided to hurt him where it was the worse." Continued Raj, another lawyer. 

" I like his soul name it already sound like a movie star name..."

At that point Alec had tried to step away, deciding if one person would not know Augustin soulmate it could be him. It felt wrong to know it but before he could get far enough he heard it .

"... I mean Magnus Bane. It's pretty unusual right?!" 

Alec froze on the spot. Augustin Dawn sa Magnus Bane?? How many Magnus Bane could they be? The question was even beside the point. The government made sure each soulname and last name was unique. So Alec soulmate was the famous actor. 

There were several reasons to keep soulnames secret. One of them was so you did not overthink a possible relationship. Like Alec was doing, feeling very inadequate like the universe made a huge joke. There was no way he would meet Magnus Bane the movie star and even less chances said man would like him. 

 

 


	2. Magnus very public soul name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared I have all of it planned! We're going for full angst cause I can't seem to help myself. With a happy ending promise. 
> 
> Hope you like it still.

 

The soulbond was a precious thing, only perfecting itself when the two soulnames are known and a kiss is shared. No doubt that was the reason many religions put the soulbond as a sacred thing and imposed virginity upon marriage to ensure the god or gods could recognize the union at the same time as the bond was finished. 

Magnus' mother was a very religious woman, a traditional one, she belonged to a branch of religion where the soul mark was damaged during childhood so that you had to have faith and never be sure if you were with your soulmate until the wedding and possible soulbond. Depending on the parents the damage on the soul mark varied, but never complete for it would break the bond. Magnus' mother wanted what she thought was best and asked for Magnus' mark to be removed entirely except for the initials. That was a messed up thing to do, very dangerous since Magnus was five and there was great chances they'd break the bond by accident on his tiny wrist. 

Usually people did it aroung 12-15 years old so the wrist was big enough, but his mother wanted to be sure Magnus would be the purest soul for possible matches.

He mostly remembers being scared and lost, he remembers the people with colored robes and the knife. His life could have been very different if his step father did not interrupt the whole thing. The knife only cut a few millimeters on his wrist. He remembers his step father and mother yelling and the man carrying him out of the building.

He clung to the man he considered his father and now saw as his savior. They sought refuge in America. But the religious group had followers in the governement of their home country and knew where they went. The media learned a boy was kidnapped by his step father. It was much easier to believe a distressed mother than a protective step father and a scared 6 year old.

The search for him got so intense it was the first time in decades someone managed to break in a governement archive to find a soulname. The media knew and it was the first time Magnus Bane soul name was revealed to the world. The American social services helped his step father and him greatly to hide and he took the name of Augustin Dawn, praying no one would link him to Magnus Bane the kidnapped boy.

  
  


That's why for years he fought against his own dream of being an actor, afraid his past would come back and haunt him, he'd stare at his wrist where was written « Alexand... Lightwood ». The end of the first name still damaged, and as much as Magnus was a proud bisexual it made his search even more difficult not knowing if it was an Alexandra or Alexander he was looking for.

* * *

  
  


He got small parts for a few years and had his big break at 24 in a Tv show. He managed to deal with celebrity quite well with his down to earth step father and even more down to earth manager Raphael. But he wasn't perfect and lost himself as he fell in love with the very beautiful, very smart and dangerous Camille Belcourt.

They met on set for a movie, Magnus was trying to make a break in the film industry and she was already a big star there. If Magnus was a flirt, Camille was a seductress, and Magnus fell hard. In months their relationship was public to the world because Camille said it would help both their carrier and they would be happier not having to hide. And Magnus listened because he loved her, and ignored his discomfort at the paparazzi following their every move. They moved in together because this way they would be together always and Magnus ignored how he missed his friends that were no longer welcomed in his home because Camille didn't like them.

He was too far gone to realize it at the time and had thought that maybe she was Alexandra Lightwood. It wasn't unusual for people to change their last name, especially for movie stars. So, at 27, after two years of relationship, he got on one knee, opened a ring box and asked. “My soul name is Magnus Bane, would you marry me?”

Her response was both all he wanted and all he feared.

“Oh … Magnus of course I want to marry you but, you're not the name on my wrist and my soul name is Camille Belcourt. So I'm sure I'm not yours.”

All Magnus' hope were destroyed and he stood back up, awkward and humiliated. She rose from her seat and continued.

“But we can still get married honey. Look, I've been open about my name for years and no one came, either he is a coward or isn't here anymore. I love you Augus... Magnus. Sorry it's still weird to change your name. We can be happy. You're a celebrity, we don't meet people in the street anymore, we meet famous people.”

“So famous people can't have love?” he argued. She smiled what he once saw as sweetly but now remembered as a smirk.

“Of course we can, love isn't only about a soulmate. You love me right? And I love you, so what stops us from just being happy? Outside of this sad, hard tale that is soulbonds?”

And Magnus let her convince him, forcing himself to no longer look at the name hidden by his wrist band. Forgetting about Alexand.. Lightwood. It almost worked until he caught Camille cheating in their bedroom. They broke up.

Magnus was depressed for a long time, he kept staring at his soul mark, like it held the answers to everything. He felt like a useless romantic believing in every lasting love like fairytales. Heartbroken Raphael had to force him to read a script and go back to work. It was a mini-series, not a big commitment but Raphael knew him well and it felt like breathing again. Meeting new co-stars, enjoying the costumes, sets, story. He didn't see the year pass until he was about to shoot an interview and met with Camille in the hall. She smiled at him, like a predator.

“Well hello M... Augustin.” she started to taunt him. “Still hung up on your soulmate? You should have stayed with me. I'm the best thing you'll ever get.”

And she left him standing there, feeling suddenly enraged with all she did and said during their relationship. So when the interviewer asked.

“Augustin, it's always a pleasure to have you. We just had Camille over and we have to ask, would you ever consider making a movie with her?”

And Magnus snapped.

“No. We broke up a year ago and I would not shoot with her, I need to trust my coworker a minimum, I like them to be faithful to a project.”

  
  


Needless to say it was a shitstorm after that. Fans of Magnus VS fans of Camille fighting, people insulting Camille for cheating, Magnus for lying out of pettiness. And Camille fought back revealing his soul name.

He never thought she would get so low, she actually sent him a text saying “We'll see now if you can find better than me.”

Raphael had yelled at him for being stupid in the interview, shouted at his phone refusing to comment on the reveal, texting at his assistant to find a lawyer. But Magnus stayed there, his friend Cat holding him as he looked at his wristband. He struggled with his feelings, half hoping Alexand.. Lightwood would come find him, half scared of being rejected in advance. He could also discover his soulmate was dead, or with someone else.

And even if someone said they were his soulmate, they could lie. God knows how many people had contacted him saying they were his soulmate.

The worse was when he finally agreed to do an interview.

“So now you are officially Magnus Bane?”

“Yes I did all the legal paperwork, it felt weird to keep my common name now.” he tried to joke a bit but the interviewer did not flinch.

“You must know that people support you in this difficult time, we have some questions from viewers if you agree?”

Magnus was trapped, he could see Raphael seething in the back, they had not agreed to unprepared questions but he had to keep his cool and smiled.

“Of course.”

“Here is the first: You're one of the very few in the world who has his soulname revealed, don't you feel lucky to be so much easier to find for your soulmate?”

Magnus swallowed, trying to calm his panic, and faked a smile.

“Straight with the tough ones.” he could see Raphael menacing the producer of the show who lost his proud demeanour by the second. “It's more complicated, being a public figure, I got some unwanted attention. People say I'm their soulmate, fake their marks, I just wouldn't be able to trust someone saying I'm their soulmate at this point.”

The interviewer had the humanity to seem sympathetic at least, she took another question and frowned.

“Are you the same Magnus Bane as the kid who was kidnapped? The story with the cult was big in my town.”

Magnus felt like he was drowning, he had to answer, god, he had no idea what to say, he looked toward Raphael that had gone pale. Magnus struggled and tried to remember what the social service had told him to do if his story ever got out.

“I... Yes and no. I am the same person but I wasn't kidnapped, I fled a very bad situation with my step father.”

“Could you elaborate?” asked the interviewer, clearly interested in her newly found scoop, no sympathy remaning.

“No.” answered Magnus coldly. “I feel it is my right to keep some private matters private, even if the situation doesn't seem like I can right now.”

“But really, you have to understand, your situation is exceptional, soulname revealed, twice and you're famous and bisexual, you must understand we just want to understand you.” she smiled the same smile Magnus saw before on Camille. He glanced at Raphael who looked like he was about to murder everyone in the room and just stood up, took his mic off and left.

He would get lot of hate for that but it felt good, it felt like he was taking back control in this awful situation.

“We need a lawyer.” he said and Raphael nodded.

“Way ahead of you. Lydia Branwell, in the Clave Associates, specialized in Civil law and soulnames matters.”  
  


"Good."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think? Angry at Camille? The journalist?   
> Kudos and comment will get your faster update. ^^ and lots of love from the writer.


	3. This messed up situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while but here it is!   
> It's not easy to explain everything and I hope it's clear and good. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it !!
> 
> Also : on the same series the next fic is one were you can vote for the ending ^^. Don't hesitate to participate.

  
Magnus stood in front of a huge building, Raphael stuck on his phone besides him, Clave Associates was one of the many legal office of the building and Magnus was apprehensive Camille would have chosen a lawyer in the same building. He couldn't bare to meet her again.

Raphael finally put his phone away and led him inside, through security and toward the elevator. An assistant welcomed them and they waited for a few minutes before two people arrived.

Lydia Brandwell, her hair tied in a bun and her dress accomodating her pregnant belly professionally smiled at them before introducing the handsome man by her side.

“Mr Bane, Mr Santiago, please meet Clark Trueblood. As you can see I'm close to my maternity leave and Mr. Trueblood will take over if the trial is too long.”

The man smiled shyly and Magnus offered one of his one, albeit more flirty than shy.

They settled in a conference room and Lydia exposed the situation :

“The case against Camille Belcourt is easy, she's in the wrong in every way possible but this might get ugly. She knows she can't win legally so you have a expect her to try to dimish your claim.”

Raphael frowned in distate but took notes of all and Magnus felt discouraged. He wasn't sure Camille would really care to do more, she did enough. He got pulled out of his thoughts by the beautiful voice of Clark Trueblood.

“As for the Tv interview, we should be able to have them pay a fine but probably close their program. Make an exemple out of them.”

“How so?” asked Raphael. “Magnus' past had been all over the news 20 years ago, they just dug up something.”

The lawyer smiled gently and it warmed Magnus heart in a disturbing way. How was this man so gentle in such small ways could touch him.

“There is a law most people ignore. The taboo law, it was made to ensure a revealed soulname couldn't be talked about. There have been many soulname revelations, though not on a scale such as yours. But drunk relatives, loud arguments, clueless children or angry exes have blurted soulnames many times. However, if a soulname was revealed to you, you are, by law, forbidden to repeat it. Usually it doesn't go to court, people just keep the secret.”

“The TV show had pre-read the questions, they knew what was to be asked. Not only the person who asked this question is at fault but your past should have never been revealed.” added Lydia.

The whole thing would take several months and if Magnus felt overwhelmed in front of such task he was reassured by the two lawyers.

Clark Trueblood accompanied them back to the reception and asked for a cab to be called for them. Magnus was about to say they did not need one when the receptionist said :

“Of course Alec.”

Raphael frowned but said nothing, Magnus however blurted.

“Alec? How is Alec short for Clark?”

Clark/Alec turned around, eyes looking away. “It's a weird childhood surname that seems to stick. People just choose whatever they prefer.”

Magnus smiled at him and held his hand.

“Well, since we're gonna meet many more times, it was nice to see you Alec.”

And he could swear he saw a glimmer of something in Alec's eyes and as the man took his hand, he lingered a second more before turning away.

 

 

* * *

 

Alec was screwed, if seeing Magnus on posters had him quickly know the man was attractive to meet him was so much more strong. Maybe it was because he knew this was his soulmate but Alec felt like his whole being was irresistibly turning to him, focused on one person only.

Deciding to focus on his work he tried to ignore the pull he kept feeling and that was brought stronger each time he met the man. Raphael Santiago had also asked them to make a case against weirdos and creeps that harrassed Magnus and seeing what he had to go through made Alec's blood boil.   
Even if Alec did not knew that Magnus was his soulmate the whole situation would not have been propice to flirt.

One day, Alec tried to have Magnus and Raphael come to finish some details before the Tv network trial.

“I'm sorry darling but I'm stuck in my loft, I have a flock of paparrazi roaming my streets and I would very much like to avoid getting attacked.” he then seemed to hesitated before saying. “You could come in. I'll answer your questions, the paparazzi are just gonna think you're another resident of the building.”

Alec hesitated, though he wished nothing more than to see Magnus again, to go to his place could be a bit too intimate. Realizing he had stayed silent for too long, he answered quickly.

“Sure! Be there in 15 minutes.”

Magnus loft was exactly as Alec should have imagined it, one with its owner in elegant luxury but Alec wanted desperatly to peal the layers that Magnus hide behind.

“Welcome to my humble home Alec. Do you want a drink?”

“Thanks but no, I'm still technically working.”

Magnus slightly pouted but quickly turned it into a smirk.

“Then give me these papers to sign quickly so you can be unprofessional for a drink.”

Alec laughed and handed the papers. It was mostly administration stuff to make sure all “i” were doted and such but Magnus sat and concienciously read each page. During which Alec started to wander in the room, admiring the art. He wondered how such a great man could be his soulmate, or maybe he himself wasn't Magnus soulmate. There always were stories of unrequired soulbonds though rare it might just be his curse to be in this situation. Before his mind could spirale out of control he felt Magnus' hand on his shoulder and turned to get the papers back. As soon as the work was back in his suitcase Magnus handed him a drink.

“You're not at work anymore, please accompany me for one.”

There was a slight edge to his tone, almost pleading and for a moment Alec considered how all of this must have kept Magnus from socializing. All everyone could talk about was his soulname reveal, the incoming trials. The whole celebrity news turned around him.

So Alec accepted the drink and settled on the couch.

“How is your father?” blurted Alec. “He must be getting some mean comments with all of this.”

Magnus sighed. “Yeah... but he's used to that. I can't be more relieved that man saw me as his child and protected me.”

He smiled a little and Alec's heart panged.

“You're lucky. In that regard.”

“No such luck with your father?”

A bitter laugh responded him.

“He never got over the fact that I'm gay. After he cheated on my mom I just gave up on him. Haven't spoken to him in almost a decade. I'm sorry we're speaking about such heavy stuff. Tell me more about this painting. I know little about art but my brother's girlfriend is a curator of an art gallery. You might give me something to talk to her about.”

“Well. I'm no expert but I have a passion for art. This from an up and coming artist I found in Japan.”

And Magnus started to talk animately about art and his travels, Alec listened and talked about his family and very few travels.

One drink turned into three before Alec called it a night. Magnus stopped him at the door, hesitated then kissed him slowly. Alec's heart skipping a few beats before going in overdrive as he felt the bond started to create on his side, and painfully aware that Magnus could not feel it, as he ignored if Alec was his soulmate.

“Magnus... I.”

“I like you Alec. I'm probably a mess from all of this but I just.. there's something about you.”

“I like you too. But I can't not as long as I work for you.”

Magnus nodded and smiled.

“Then I'll wait for the trials to end.”

Alec left, hope in his heart.

 

* * *

 

Magnus didn't know what he was supposed to feel as the trials finally ended but he thought he would have some kind of closure and yet... Camille had paid her fine but she was a too bankable actress to lose jobs and her fans “understood” her rash actions. The tv program ended, Magnus trial inspired many over celebrity to accuse them of forcing scoops during interviews. The network would survive but had a considerable dent in his finance and reputation.

Magnus did not need the money so he gave it to several associations helping refugees like he was and victims of cults.

Life kept going, Raphael told him again and again his scandal would soon be forgotten but after five months of people pretending to be his soulmate he just lost all hopes.

Two weeks after the end of all trials Alec asked him out and Magnus decided that this man might just be reason enough to move on. Magnus expected a drink, maybe a play and to talk a bit but Alec surprised him with a dinner in a beautiful restaurant. It's only when Alec kissed him that Magnus understood they were not on the same page.

“Do you want to come up... Have a last drink?” he asked.

Alec kissed him again, so softly it could hurt his weak heart.

“I want to do this right Magnus. So maybe next time.” and Alec smiled and Magnus paled.

“No.” he said and Alec's joy was replaced by confusion. “I mean, I like you Alec but I just don't want a relationship. I can't envision being in a relationship right now, maybe ever. You make me feel good, safe, happy and I would love for us to have some companionship but I can't give you more.”

“I...” Alec focused, stopping himself from being overwhelmed and tears from falling. Who would feel so strongly after one date. “I need to think about it.” he ended up saying and Magnus smiled at him so softly Alec could have melted right there.

“Of course. I'll wait for your call.”

 

* * *

  
  


Alec felt empty, stuck. He so desperatly wanted to be with Magnus but felt so damn inadequate. Nothing good could come from a companionship were one knew the other was his soulmate and yet he understood Magnus.

Everyday got a bit harder, feeling growing pain in his chest and a deep desire to just be around Magnus. He was kept awake at night and struggled to focus his thoughts, one lunch with his mother she asked what was wrong and he finally confided everything in her.

As he contained the tears in his eyes, Maryse gently took his hand.

“I felt the same, when I seperated from you father, and before we divorced and I cut the bound. A soulbond is intense and my sweet child you are in the worse scenario possible.”

“There's no good answer right?”

“No. you can't live knowing who your soulmate is, wanting this bond and not having it fullfiled in some way. The only way out is too cut the bond.”

Alec gasped at the thought and Maryse quickly continued. “I do not wish this to you. This is a very difficult thing to do. From a legal point of view and a psychologic one. Magnus is hurting, it doesn't mean it won't end but you need to know what you want to live with. What happiness you want.”

Alec hesitated for a second and took a deep breath.

“I want him. I want to fight for it, it's so close I can taste it.”

“Then I'm gonna say to you what your brother told me when I fell for Luke. “You have to seduce the crap out of him.””

They laughed at Jace antics and ended their meal happier.

Alec had decided, he couldn't deal with not trying, he might crash and burn but he would seduce Magnus Bane and make him realize they were soulmates.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? Did I do justice to both of them? It's a challenge to defend both points of view so I hope I succeeded. 
> 
> Leave kudos and comments if you liked it.   
> They are loved and cherished.


	4. I wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Growing feelings, a revelation and an ultimatum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people!
> 
> I'm so sorry for the delay, I got really busy with a big bad, important, exam to study (and am still studying it.) So I stopped writing. But I was very disappointed at the show finale and I'm back !   
> There will be two chapters more normally.

    Magnus stood frozen in his kitchen, knife in hand. He just realized something big and was now stuck trying to understand what was to be done.
    Alec and him had been seeing each other for a few months now. He wished he could say they were just hooking up but he had to admit it was much more. He knew when Alec tried to trick him in having real dates and he let him. It was nothing at first, just hanging out in front of the TV, talking about work.
    
    At first Magnus thought nothing of it, most of their time was spent in bed, but they tended to linger in each other's house, Magnus using Alec to rehearse his lines, Alec rambling about his upcoming trial. He tried to keep his distance, found excuses to cancel a date. But for each moment spent away from Alec, there were many more spent with him.
    Alec was always extremely hungry when they had dinner, almost every evening now, and Magnus had realized the man did not take the time to eat lunch.
    So one day, he came with take away to Alec's office. It was harmless and led to a heavy office make out session. But soon he sent food to the office even when he couldn't go and now he was in his kitchen making lunch for Alec. His very non-boyfriend.
    
    So Magnus was having a bit of a revelation. He put the knife down and stepped away from the counter. Slowly he took a few breathes in and out to calm himself. He knew Alec had wanted a relationship and he slowly had realized that he would want one too but couldn't.
    Because with the realization of how important Alec had become to him came the very profound fear he would lose the man. Maybe he was Alec soulmate, after all Alec knew his soulname, it could explain his desire to try and build something even when Magnus was reluctant to make it official. But if he isn't, and with Magnus track record that was most likely, then Magnus would lose him someday, one of their soulmates could appear some years down the line and suddenly all they had would be destroyed.
    He was too far gone in his panic to realize he had started to cry. He sobbed and said to himself: “Please, just let me have this.”
    
    

* * *

    
    Weeks had passed and Magnus found himself at Alec's firm party, he tried to convince himself he was there as an old client but quickly lost this argument to himself. He was falling for Alec, for his face while he slept, his rant about the toll of paperwork, the care he had with Magnus, proving him again and again how precious he was to him.
    Alec was currently speaking with his boss and Magnus stood alone near the bar, the party was ending, most people had left.
    “You're very obvious ya know?” slurred a man next to him. Magnus scrunched his nose and turned to see Simon, the firm accountant and Alec's sister's boyfriend.
    “About?” enquired Magnus.
    “'lec. You look at him like he's some light in the darkness.”
    Magnus raised a brow in confusion.
    “You have a very poetic drunkenness.”
    “Really, usually I gossip, Bea would hate if I gossiped. Be warned they are scary.”
    “How so?”
    “Bea is very mysterious with all their names.” Simon changed the subject, probably not caring who he was talking to. “That's because she blurted Alec's soulname when they were young. Still feels bad. But apparently they managed to hide it “in plain sight” as she said.”
    Simon then shrugged and patted Magnus before leaving him to his utter shock.
    Could it be? Maybe, could he hope for it? He looked up at Alec who was smiling at him and Magnus was so confused. What was the soulname hidden in plain sight? Alec? Clark? Trueblood?
    His heart was beating like crazy and hope and fear were tearing him apart. Alec came closer and lead him to the exit. Magnus was following him blindly and decided he had to risk it and ask for Alec soulname.
    

* * *

    
     Alec kept turning toward Magnus in the taxi. Magnus had kept silent since they left the party and kept rubbing his thumb and index together in nervousness. He also had been weird these last weeks and alterning between very sweet moments and complete silence and Alec was just tired. His bond yearning for the final link to his soulmate. It was getting harder, each night they spent together promised passion, each morning waking up next to him felt like everything was possible and a future together was what must be.
    
    Alec was tired of waiting, of fighting for something that may never happen. So as they made their way to his apartment, he made a decision. They got in and he slipped his jacket from his shoulder and sighed.
    “Magnus. Will you ever let us be more?”
    Magnus turned back in a second, his face in shock. So Alec kept going.
    “You know I want more. Damn it I want to be with you and it kills me that you keep giving me bits of you and then leaving me wanting.”
    “I don't mean to do that.” started Magnus.
    “I love you!” blurted Alec. And he waited. And as time passed and Magnus stayed silent his heart kept breaking. Magnus on the other end was frozen, he needed to ask his soulname. He needed to know so they could move on in either direction. Together or apart.
    “I don't know if I love you, I want to and don't want to at the same time. I'm scared. All my life. I don't even know my soulmate gender! And with all that happened with Camille I just... I can't. What if we're not soulmates and I'm just left heartbroken in a few years?! So... Maybe, I know I shouldn't ask but, If I knew your soulname, maybe we have a chance.”
    He was almost begging. It was unconventional at best, asking someone soulname so early, with the chance it could break them up, but he had to try.
    
    Alec stayed silent; Magnus rambling had slowly broken all his hopes. Magnus soulmate had a gender-neutral name. Alexander was a pretty obvious male name.
    His brain tried to find an explanation, he had Magnus name on his wrist, but it might just be that he was that one in a million who had an unrequired soulmate.
    “I'm not your soulmate.” he breathed. He was so close to showing him his wrist but remembered Magnus said he wouldn't believe a soulmark since so many faked it. And what of it? He would just be pitied, maybe Magnus would feel for him and try to force feelings but that would lead them nowhere.
    Alec wasn't worth Magnus soulbond.
     He looked at Magnus face, despair on the man's face. Both having their hopes destroyed in front of them. Alec took a step and kissed him with all he got, his bond singing one more time. 
    
    When they separated, Magnus rose Alec's hand to his lips and whispered “sorry” before he left.
     He had lost loves before but losing Alec was so painful. He didn't know how Alec knew he wasn't his soulmate, maybe he knew from all the stuff that leaked, Camille probably revealed it in oneof the trials. If she only had a hint Alec was attracted to Magnus she would have revealed it in a heartbeat. Most likely he just wasn't on Alec's wrist and Magnus was left with a deeper cut on his heart and had to wait for his Alexand... Lightwood.
    One day.
    Tonight, he went to his bed and cried on his still-born relationship.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... sorry for the angst ^^   
> Hope you like it.   
> Leave a comment and kudos, they are always splendid. Sorry if I don't respond to all but I read them and they make my days better ^^
> 
> See you soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Well... I hope you like it.  
> We'll have Magnus POV next chapter.  
> Hope the Clalert explanation wasn't a bit too much. I really tried to think of something else but... Here it is. 
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment. ^^ I'll try to write as soon as I can and they do motivate me a lot.


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